**LIFESTYLES OF THE RICH AND HEROIC ALERTZ** we have lots to discuss from last night’s ep of Heroes. So, just don’t stand there let’s get to it…

Okay, I was so friggin’ happy that Claire was back. How can they even NOT have her in every episode. So, Claire Bear and her up-up-and-away bfriend hatched this devious plan to get back at the head cheerleader for not letting Claire on the squad. She’s not extraordinary enough… If only that betch really knew the sitch! So super funny, the head cheerleader is all vasted and Claire shows up to beg her for another chance and when the betch denies… Fly Boy swoops in in his Halloween mask and snatches Claire up in the air and then drops her on the steps of the school. Of course she like breaks in half and then West Air goes after the betch… SCREAM! But he lets her get away so that Claire can bend back into shape and clean off her bloody gear. When the Police show up and Claire is fine and the betch is vasted… Well, you can guess what happens. The head cheerleader is suspended for drinking on school grounds and Claire’s on the team. Basket, basket, 2, 2!

But seriously, what is up with Horn Rimmed Glasses? He’s in Moscow paying a breaking and entering visit with his old Company Boss… Mr. Ruskie. Ruskie has the missing fortune paintings. You know, the one with HRG k’od! After all this blah, blah, blah interrogation, Bennett just ends up toasting the dude right between the eyes. But he got his info… The location of the masterpieces. Best quote is when Bennett and the Haitian locate the paintings and he’s like “what do they mean.” WTHull! Let’s get this straight, isn’t the whole point of this show to figure out what the paintings mean? Stating the obvious is just plain dumbazz!

Now, for Dr Mo. He’s apprehended the cute as a button Monica and is doing all these Mary Lou Renton tests on her. But when Goldfinger tells Dr Mo to inject Monica with the serum that could cure her power or kill her Dr Mo has some serious moral dilemmas and just couldn’t do it. So, he bashes in the stash of injections and then… Just hangs around! Nice. But all of a sudden Goldfinger is all nicey nice and agrees that Dr Mo should be the Company’s moral voice keeping them in line. Okay! So, Goldfinger delivers Monica back to New Orleans with a video iPod filled with any kind of instruction she can mimic. I want to believe that he is being genuine but I kinda think there’s some ulterior motive. P.S. Molly’s still snoozing! But how awesome what it that Jessikki is now Dr Mo’s partner… To keep him in line! Now, she seemed like Nikki but I couldn’t really tell. She defs seemed to be on the edge or something. This is gonna be great. I’ve really totes missed Jessikki this season. I hope she really starts mixing the shet up!

Vamanos! Our friends south of the border are back and there’s some trouble brewing. The brother hates Sylar but Black Eye is all into him. How could you not be into dirty Sylar, his eye bushes and black tank top? I’d drive his crazy azz anywhere too. So, the Mehican crew basically makes it across the border by black eyeing the Texan rogue border patrol dudes… And Sylar while she’s at it. But the brother saves his azz just to hear (but he doesn’t understand English) how Black Eye is Sylar’s new little pet. OMG, what a freak show! And then we have Hiro, yup, still in feudal Japan with Mr. Sarkoshi and the sidekick princess. They end up saving the princess’s father but now they have to smash some guns. Smash some guns… How in the hull does one smash a gun?!? But when the princess figures out it was Hiro who was behind all this “amazingness” she suddenly falls for him and they mack out AND Mr. Sarkoshi totes busts them out. Even though Hiro totes apologizes or else the space/time continuum will be effed, Mr. Sarkoshi double crosses Hiro by joining forces with the evil White Beard. Oh no! See, I knew Hiro should have stayed with Ando. His sushi’s so cooked.

And finally, Peter and Erin GoBraless head to Montreal to find out what Peter’s painting has in store for them. They make it to the building in the painting but when they start huggin’ it up Peter’s powers transport them to New York in 2008… And it’s totes nuked! Next week’s ep looks amazing. Seems like 99% of Earth’s population is toasted and it’s time for the Heroes to get focuses, stop messing around and save the world! ‘Bout time!